Sleepsong in a steady summer night

 

 

Dreams are floating in the dreary darkness of the night...

Someone, some lips, a smile, and her eyes...

You aren´t undone.

The path keeps open, the endless seek. Look for her.

Just swim in the beauty of her eyes - the darkness- til you find that light spot you ve been always looking for.


You go to sleep on your own.

You wake with your thoughts.

 

 

 

And it scares you being alone.

My dream´s shadow

Weather forecast: Max 25ºC, Min 7ºC, Bright , windy



This night I have a dream, a dark one.

Lovely, I would say if I could remember her taste. Nor her eyes, nor her tender touch, nor her body, but her soul was enough to make me move inside- and so sweet...

Their heels sounded like a heaven´s bell. Her red lips, her all sight, stopped my heart.

And...

Suddenly...

Just the night. I found my arms around the pillow, hoping that such dream will turn into reality, a woman who will complete my soul.

I have a dream, a so so dark one - because it only happened in my mind.

Before to sleep

Before to sleep

I wanna be drunk to feel a little love because there´s only love when I ´am asleep, when the Moon holds the night sky between the silent whispers of these feelings deepen inside. Dreams where her touch is the warm Sun over my skin.

 

 

The Road

Weather forecast: Max 6ºC, Min -4ºC, no wind, brighty

 Sinous, dark, through the night. Lost feet in their path. The wheels are no longer wheels after time and time.Speed grows up. Down road I go.

Memories, experiences, mixed by the vibration cloud.
Engine over 3000rpm.

Outside: silence, switch up, perpetuity, shift up.

And their curves are getting closer.

And their curvers are drawing.

And their curves are disappearing.

Down road I go, in the quiet night journey.

 

The Black Kite

Weather forecast: cloudy, 18ºC Max, 7ºC Min, brizzly

 

 

A far while I used to think in a friendly environment. I had everything –a lovely girl, some friends, I was studying my favorite field. Anything seemed to be perfect. I was so wrong.

I woke up with a terrible headache. A pack of wolves had stolen my little piece. I lost her and I discovered the hard work market.

It’ s past tense. A tiny tale in the time or I thought that. Well, It’ s true that my points have been changed.

I realise I have got a great opportunity as working in my field in the current situation. I was flying and I’ m flying and flying over the sky as if I were a black kite -a lonely wolf.

Past is never just past.

I’ve drunk too much these two years. Too much of that favorite beverage -girls. Trying to look for her in each tender touch, imagining she was there. Unsurprisingly, nothing have worked –I’ m a bit of loner.  No friends, despite it’ s supposed my work is filling the dead empty space of my soul.

I’ ve become quite independent. If you have to bear the loneliness, why don’ t I try to turn it in an advantage? I’ ve chosen to profit this experience as if it was a lesson. I’ ve learnt there’ s always something to learn – life itself is a continuous class.

Alone, alone.

If it’ s my condition and I can’t change it, why should it drive me mad? It’ s said there’ s enough time, that we have our own path. I don’ t know what I can believe in.

In fact, I was/am a pilgrim to find out what I can believe what I am looking for and so forth. It didn’t /doesn’ t matter stay alone in this or that place. I was/am travelling on my own – like when I travelled to Milan last May. Although it was a little and stable trip with no more complications than taking a plane and moving through one city, I decided to go to France in a sort of big adventure. I didn’ t know. I was bitten by the travel bug and I had/have itchy feet.  I needed/ need so much answers that I though it’ d be the best medicine I had ever had on my hand. I got it several bus and trains and I travelled more than 1,000 kilometers, speaking in a foreign language and experiencing the culture shock.

There are some true lessons from that people. There’ s one who is waiting for me, there’ re conditions which set our behavior and personality, that one girl won’ t limit my flight.  To sum it with some words, it’ s not my time yet. I need to keep on flying. Someday I could say all what I will have learned.

 

Unfortunately, the past is sleeping and it wakes when it wants to. In that way, I met a beautiful young girl. I felt strangely fine with her, although she wasn’ t fitted to my preferences. I stopped of drinking from lips about two beautiful months. And one day, my ex lovely girl was inside – the twister stormed my walls. How could I meet a girl in a different town which had certain link with the pack of insects and my lovely girl?  It doesn’ t matter. I don’ t mind.

 

To be honest, I ‘ ve realised I didn’ t love that young girl. She was not for me as  she said. I tried to hide my feelings in her. Oh, God, I’ m sick. I do really have fear of forgetting her face, her voice and her skin.

From my point of view, I lost her and we haven’ t  talked for 3 weeks. She may be upset. She told me my feelings were a lie, she’ d been crying 7/24, she expected  that we would be keeping in touch til the last breath of our lives. She told me she loved me –but in a different way. She couldn’ t lose me. She couldn’ t, she said.

After that, everything went okay or she said so. She was happy we could have been repaired our connection. Nevertheless, I haven’t  known anything  about her for three weeks. I guess she is refusing to call me.

Maybe everything is okay and she’ s to be focused in more important priorities. I can say at all.

 

However, the last week I thought  she was sleeping on my side. I was frustrated in the morning when she wasn’ t there. She’ s got a partner, a better partner. And me, I’ m a just an ex-boyfriend. I’ ve lost her forever.

There’ re persons who are destined to be alone like an old bohemian. So, I flight dreaming in her tender smile because this incredible light was a part of me and I have got it yet. A shinning Moon which leads me towards the blue sea. Flying and flying like the black shadow of that ship named ‘ The black kite’ –Milvus migrans.

 

 

P.S. > it seems  I ‘ ve written too much because of the lack of post in the past months.

Pic> Milvus migrans in the sky of the Spanish Region of Extremadura by my phone.

Soundtrack> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx6FV2qR2TY

The tower in the sky

Weatherforescat: Max 24ºC, Min 10ºC,  Clouds and wind from the North


I have hits, battles and little love tales each day. That´s me who breaths who live in the tower of sky during the long night when everybody is hugged by dream´s arms.

Sing me the day when your tears have been flooding like they were springs,
Dedicate me your tenders through the night´s cloak,
drink by my glass like if you were here.

Follow my words as how I ´ve said to you, small drak star, at these moments where you feel lost. Reminisce when you were young, when you were so bright.



There is power,
There is hope,



While you glance at the brightful sky.



Despite my sword is broken,
Despite your poisson keep on being in my soul.



I´ll work in the sky so that you could have your smile.


As I told you,
there are hits,
there are battles,
and little love tales
to say.

A little tale of memories

Weather forecast: bright, Max 30ºC, Min 20ºC, no wind


The nostalgic path of memories

The clouds are witness

The landscapes are wastelands

with the absence of a word

the twist closer to the sky who lost along the snowy beaks

the bus I lost or I left go

The street is nude and empty. No caress, no smiles.

Glances which go down, while we used to feed us with our glazes. We ate enough the bitter bile up until the sweet flavour turned into weariness. Words which lose like the root fruit of lost love.

Farewell

The moon is dying in their dark, like a farewell. A sincere and truly farewell with unknown reasons but known consequences... All die in dark as all was born. Dark to dark. Air to air. Empty

A picture

Weather forecast: 15ºC Max, 4ºC Min, clear, no wind

Hi to all, I would like to write about a picture which I took on Saturday. I consider that these words are able to say more things than a direct speech. Have fun!

<<
It was sunset on Saturday in a lonely park. There were 4 almond trees with their characteristic white flowers in bloom. The air was chilly, the little flowers and nude branches moved quietly. They were annoyed- The ground wasn´t covered in white like it was last year. Maybe it was due to the lack of water or, it might even be simpler than that. Maybe their time to bloom hadn´t arrived.

Time seemed to stop, the light was dying. The birds sang songs of grief; the black bird was singing its song full of misterious words.

Suddenly, night came. The light went out. Only four weak stars and their songs remained. Only a word remained, a timeless word when the night´s realm began.

Farewell.

Wind of change

Weather forecast: 6ºC Max, 1ºC Min, sunny with some clouds.

Hi again! It seems that everything is able to change little and little. Once time I wrote in my novel a sentence which I remeber "There is hope while there is light in your eyes"- said a female character. I used to think that it was just a beautiful pack of words.

However, at this time, I begin to realise that I have to wait a bit more. For instance, these 2 weeks have benn great and surprisingly, when I didn´´ t expect anything of this sort. And now, I have news about  working in a multinational petrol´s company, about working at the Helsinki´s University and at the Cambrigde University-but in the UNEP, that is the environmental branch of United Nations.  Unfortunately, I passed the first step to work with the UNEP but not the following ones... Anyway, it seems a reality I could work in the other places and I must make a choice. A challenge. And me, I love challenges.

On the other hand, I realised that I am currently in a process of change - the new me. I supposed that I needed to cheer up myself, in spite of I love her and it is hard to forget. Anyone tolde me or -maybe I have read it- that everything depends on my point of view. It is like Damian, this famous book, where a child who was growing up, realised that he can get everything only with his will. Or this French´s quote that said that you need firstly to build inside before to build outside.

So, I consider I am building inside and I begin to show I belive it in order people believes I am stronger, confident and I have a ´can do´ attitude.

Thanks for reading invisible watcher and have a nice day. Wow, I feel like listening the Bon Jovi´s song.

at the beginning of February

Weather forecast: Max 8ºC , Min 4ºC, overcast

Finally, I am here again. Hi to everybody, because I have forgotten it. I am so sorry about this time without writing. That was as simple as I couldn´t. It is the truth. The pain has made me breathless like a dead body. I wish  I wasn´t able to feel with such a strenght.

Nevertheless, the human is always thinking about impossible things. How can I keep on loving a ghost from the past? It is an endless nightmare.

Furthermore, It is even worse when you realize you have changed and you realize you aren´t you who you are, that you are so different you can´t recognize you. How many bad things the pain can do? To be honest,  I can´t answer it. I only know that I love her with such a passion I remind her everyday before I got asleep. I know she has a boyfriend and she said me twice I am not the person who has fallen in love of. Today I am a past tense  from a verb. That is I can write a lot but no one is reminding me. It is stupid.

Well, I guess It is enough for today. I have written a little at least. So, I guess I must back to the mirror and say everything is fine. Have a good day.

New years, same feelings

Weather forecast:11ºC Max, 2ºC Min, no wind, no clouds

New year, new time. Everything is gonna change according to people says. You supposed to make a wish at the beginning of year, because everything is going to turn out like expected. And, in Spain, you supposed to eat all the grapes (it is a tradition to take 12 grapes while the new year´s countdown in order to have good luck).

Nevertheless, this time I didn´t eat the grapes, I didn´t wish anything. Why must I do that? I don´t understand how euphoria´s new year can exist. People eats a lot of, people drinks a lof of because the year is ending. Everything is going to continue and I think that wish has no sense. Finally, a wish needs to be built. Everybody must fight for a dream, You can say: I hope I will be rich, I hope I will fall in love and so forth but is it fair for all us these sort of "dreams"?

It is true that I hate those dates because of memories, stupid memories. I don´t understand how I can be so romantic and how I can remember each date, each past second, each moment. I am over. Uf, honestly, I am stupid because love is something ephemeral but I continue believing that, that such feeling lives for a long long time. That is the reason why XIX´s romantics had died and their believes. I must to accept the new reality. The reality of XXI century: pleasure, money, temporary time. No place for feelings. I can´t say anymore. I am blocked. I am fed up about.

To sum up all with few words, just a phrase: New years, same life, same feelings.

Closer to the edge

Weather forecast: 11ºCMax, 0ºC Min, no wind, no clouds


There are bad days where anything works... The black night´s darkness is on my back and... me, I am lonely again, lonely like the prey in front the predator. Well, at this moment, I consider myself like a dead, dead in but alive out.

I guess it is me the problem, I must accept my role in life, I must learn to accept the things. I... don´t... know.

Today, I am tired, lonely, anything works,  in my head, of course.

However, it is the remember of one frozen kiss in the past, a missed word in the time et thousands of broken promises beneath the Hell´s cold.

Finally, life is sum with 2 words: victory and defeat. Someone is victorious and another one, well, you know what they are. Me, I do think the second team belongs to me. No by own initiative. Not at all. I guess that it is a kind of "natural selection".

If I could write again, if I could say her loving you, if I had a kiss from her, if I had a job after so many years of formation,  if I wasn´t lonely...

 Blah, blah, that makes no sense.  You punish yourself, you hide yourself, you close your mouth. Finally you believe in. Look at your shoulders, we are closer to last eve of this year, everybody is happy. And you, you. You are like always! You say something with no sense,  you think about stupid things. You won´t never change! Listen to this! You breath! You keep on alive! So, fight against your situation, accept the challenge. Loneliness is just a moment, a week and quick moment which dies like the company you missed to. You know that, you know life is like a way on grounds, on the forest, on mountains.  Sometimes, you will be on the beach. Another time, you will be in a way covered by sharp rocks and you will be barefoot. And another time, you couldn´t choose a way between 2 routes. Listen to this asshole, life is just one person, one person who lives in yourself. Yes, you don´t believe me but it is like this way. Life isn´t a dream, life is yourself, your ideas, your thoughts, your feelings. Do you know the most people is more dead or certainly dead? Yes, because they can´t think, they can´t have feelings. Oh my god! Breath, breath, because you are alive and me... Me, I am not exist, can you see? I am not exist but I am telling you exist like an alive being. Don´t look at me like that! I can see your eyes. I know everything is very different, that it isn´t easy for yourself,  without her, with anybody, without future.  Haven´t you thought that it is just a day where anything works? Tomorrow, next day or next years, you will be free, you could see the past and you could say that you had been loved her (or maybe that you love her yet), that you had been loved her but you didn´t know how to maintain and, by consequence, you will be learned what you haven´t never do. Go out now. I am waiting for you and I am longing for sleep but you don´t want to. It doesn´t matter a year with anyone. It doesn´t matter! It doesn´t matter you don´t consider special each day. A day, a day you will be heard me and I speak seriously. Baf, I am going to sleep.

A dusk

Weather forecast: 13ºC Max, 1ºC Min, no wind, sunny without clouds,

Hi to everybody. I hope you will fine and right. In these moments, it is the dusk. Sun light is weak, with night wolves running for the sky. Blood is spread, with a pink color. The sign of the lost. Light goes out with shame, without looking at back. It knows he will be revived one moment.

First stars appear, with a pale shine. The black horse has come and the pink runs away. City lights come another time, with such a foolish sense of artificiality. Everything seems synthetic.

It is incredible that a simple car on your sight could do something like that. For an unknown reason, that image is linked with a memory. A memory of lost, a memory of shame. I guess I couldn´t see that model car again like I couldn´t see any more about Twilight films.

It is a bit curious, because I have never liked these books and these films. Did you know I have to go with her like an obligation? But, later, it turned into a sort of rite. Each year, we had to watch the new film with a silk and black bandage that used to hold our hands. It was a gesture of our love, a promise we had. "We will watch every film to the end".

Another broken promise like every promise. I don´t know but I think that getting older means understanding that nothing survives with the past of time, I think loneliness is inherited, promises are heavy lies that will be broken one day but, is this the life?

My worst defect is being a word man, I guess. Although now, I can´t say I will love somebody forever and ever because I know that dog barks more than bites.

Well, I am upset of being like that, like a little glass broken on the beach sand in winter.

One day, a person told me solitude is the greatest thing to understand, to know and to meet you. I don´t know but, if that is all I am, I think a bullet could be better.

Maybe the reason is so much time fighting against everything to have a degree and then, if you don´t see no light, no future, you may thing you wasted your entire life. I don´t know (another time). Maybe I am a worm that is waiting for being a butterfly.

One day, I have heard a Nat King Cole´s versioned song by David bowie:

"there was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy. They say he wandered very far, over land and sea. A little shy and sad of eyes"

I see me in these little words like a picture. Later, I have discovered that the same song was versioned for Moulin Rouge (a film that disliked me, though you know I dislike films in general).

Finally, the deeper obscure of the doom has painted my dear sky.

The last step to Winter

Leaves are changing,
Leaves are dying.

Winter is closer
Wind is colder,
heavier and deeper.

She has come.
She has come.

With a broken smile
With blue ice eyes
With frozen fingers and white,
like her smile.

My heart is broken another time.

She has come.
She has come.

P.S.: black bird (Turdus merula) in a leafless tree in December, in a Madrid´s  Park.

The frozen night

Weather forecast: darkness without clouds, Max 27ºC, Min 13ºC, No Wind,

This night is so cold without her presence...

I don ´t now but I would like to see her eyes in these moments.

These eyes lost for me, the foolish who lost her.

Sometimes, I would like to see how she sleeps...

and I will be lying

because there are no sometimes 

because It is all the time.

However, here I am,

lonely,

without words,

without her touch,

her breathe

and  I have the only company of loneliness

Just take a train, just 2 hours of travel.

No matter how far,

I ll do it to see her from the darkness,

beside their window

in order to draw an huge Loving you 

and I will be waiting until the dawn

with their only eyes like landscape

 

I know, It is just a dream

and you ll never heard it because

you are so far far away...

Nightmare in the fog

Today, I have awoken up because of a nightmare. I thought She was under my arms in this lonely night. She wasn´t here, It s a deed that I know. Each minute I need her breath, her touch, her soul.

She isn´t here. So, I look at cloudy sky and I try to look for a new mark which can guess if you are right in these moments.

I wish you were fine after you had gone. I would like see your eyes when you are asleep until dawn. I would be like an artist who paints landscapes.

Everything has passed, our relationship, our lives, our paths and our wishes. I know because I am not so foolish. I will continue loving you besides months, besides years.. besides the time. There is no wall, no mountain to block my feeling.

Each night, I give you goodnight in my head and I give you a big huge. Each night, I pray for your happiness like a lover. A lover who wants you have a smile because each smile is one glimmer of light in my spooky world.

This is a memory, a pray for you. Despite You will never come back, I write a letter in order to show I don´t forget you, my little soulmate.

Maybe you don´t exist, maybe you are just a dream. Maybe I am crazy for this reason . Nobody knows. Otherwise, I am waiting for you like a dreamer in fairy tales.

Goodbye another day that I wasted to find you, without any success. See you one day, my missing puzzle piece.